I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
