nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize