We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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