dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
