Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
