sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
