Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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