dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
