She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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