You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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