Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
