Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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