we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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