I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
