BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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