My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
