I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
