Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
