A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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