OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
