so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
