last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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