turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
