I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
