Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
