just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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