i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
