woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
