I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
