I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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