You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
