Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dicks are not precious.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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