After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
