Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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