that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
