About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
