nut hugger
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
