hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
its like you know when i get waxed