And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
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Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on