I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.