I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My vagina is very pro this idea