He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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