Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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