Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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