no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
