you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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