Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
