I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
