We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize