The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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