Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
