had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You can't just leave with hair like that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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