Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
