So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
