so that wasnt chicken after all
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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