Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
