I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
