Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
