so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
