Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize