All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And then my night got REAL pukey
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
